Is your kid a serial killer?
No.
And I say this because I favour the odds.
Is your kid just going to be a run-of-the-mill murderer?
Again, probably not. The odds against it are
astronomical.
Most
people tend not to dwell too much on the people out there who take lives, or
they fantasises too much about them to unhealthy degrees, you would not believe
me if I told you how many wedding proposals serial killers get.
Parents
these days tend to be more paranoid about their kid being autistic then the
thought they could be raising a potential killer, and with good reason. Like me,
they play the odds.
But let’s
assume you did sit down and worry that you’re contributing to your kids decline into becoming the Wandering Strangler of Stoke, what
should you be worrying about? Well as will all things it tends to be down to
statistical odds, most people experience a lot of screwed up stuff and never go
on to kill anyone, in fact there is a
growing concern now that the vague bits of popular psychology that filter into
the public consciousness about the childhood of killers is re-victimising people
who have already suffered through something horrible.
To
give you an example: A high percentage of killers tend to have disturbed
childhoods, suffering from physical and sexual abuse. However, there remains a
percentage of killers who have very mundane childhoods, although they are in
the minority of cases they do exist. What’s more (tragically) hundreds of
thousands of children undergo serious childhood abuse and trauma and go on to
become well-adjusted adults, though of course because of this stereotype of “damaged
goods” and “potential sexual predator/murderer” they’ll likely be terrified of
every talking about the abuse they suffered. Which is not heathy, in case you
were wondering.
So to all the paranoid parents
who worry that they are somehow contributing to their kids decent into being
the next Clown-Killer of Cumberland, I’ll just drop some pro-tips for you,
please avoid the following.
·
Don’t give your kids drugs, they have terrible
effects on the developing brain.
o Side
note: Don’t take drugs when pregnant either.
·
Avoid abusing your kid.
·
Don’t threaten your kid with made-up horrors.
Hell, The boogieman, Heir Kindersnatch etc… Children have “magical thinking”
and while adults can contextualise these fears, to children they are real and
terrible and will fill their lives with paranoia and terror.
·
Don’t let your kids watch 18+ rated stuff.
Again, “magical thinking” a lot of kids don’t have the real/unreal barrier
solidly installed yet, even older kids. Use your judgment but it is likely a
very good idea not to let developing minds experience “Chainsaw blood rampage
IX: The Crotch-Ripper!”
·
If you punish your child, make sure they
understand why they are being punished, and try and minimise any “unfairness”
that you dish out. If a parent is arbitrary with their punishments all the kid
learns is the world is cruel and unfair, and will quickly internalise that, and
act accordingly.
·
Lastly, teach your kid how to process their
emotions, not supress them or vent them. Emotional Intelligence is the ability
to feel an emotion but not be a slave to it, and it’s something people spend
their whole lives mastering. Kids with a head start in this will have a big
advantage in life, and not just to avoid the increased chances of being a murderer.
The thing is, this is all
fudging your numbers, it’s theoretically possible for a kid to endure all of
the above and still be a well-adjusted adult… it’s not likely... but it is
possible! On that note, you could have an idyllic childhood and turn out as the
Scarborough Sausage-Slasher , but again, the odds are against you on that one.
The whole nature/nurture
argument is tired, but I tend to think of it as a deck of cards, people are
given cards and do the best with the hands they have, sometimes they are lucky,
sometimes they are unlucky, but ultimately it’s down to the individual how they
manage what they have, and what they turn into because of it.
And don’t worry if your 13yr old
kid seems to be a little sociopath, they are all like that.
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