Right now I should be reading
about abuse, mental illness, coercion, and harassment. But in light of a few
recent events I’ve decided to postpone that joyous work and write a little bit
about being offended.
Before I launch into this I want
to make something very clear; there are things out there, opinions and actions
that offend me. However, I’d never tell anyone they don’t have a right to speak
or act on those things simply to ease my sensibilities because that would make
me a bully.
It seems that the rallying cry
of the social activist these days is “Somebody may find that offensive” or “That
offends my group.” Notice how they never say “That offends me.” Because of two
reasons:
a) A
person is a tiny, whiney little bitch and will likely be told to grow up a
little if they threaten a hissy-fit over something that hurts their fee-fee’s.
b) To
effectively police another’s actions you need to have perceived authority. A
person will be ignored (as above) whereas an unknown entity “somebody” or a
demographic “My group” carries more weight and is more likely to succeed in forcing
compliance on the hapless offender.
Ultimately, “being offended” is
an individual’s way of feeling powerful when they are faced with something that
makes them feel vulnerable or insecure. It’s also an unhealthy way for somebody
to feel powerful by controlling others, but we’ll get to that later. For now
let’s focus on the former.
Behold: The
offended [For those of you too lazy to click the link, it’s the picture of
a sanitary pad with “if only people were as disgusted by rape as they are about
periods” written on it]. What we have here is somebody confronted with an idea
(in this case rape) that makes them feel uncomfortable, and so have decided to
spread that feeling by attempting to be offensive. Clever in its way, as it’s propagating
that feeling of uncomfortableness as an attempt to legitimise their own
feelings and mask their insecurity with anger and indignation. I’d have to say
that while this is clever, it’s not really going to change anything, you’re “Preaching
to the choir” as most people find rape to be disgusting and offensive, and
people who feel otherwise won’t care about a sanitary product stuck to a wall.
Also, by provoking feelings of disgust in others you’re reducing sympathy for
your message by associating it with those negative emotions, so ultimately it’s
self-defeating, and more about personal empowerment then effective social
change.
Now; the Other Offended. Here we have somebody
looking to find things to be offended about because the outrage is empowering
to them and their group, and they are able to enforce an ideology on others
under the guise of social reform. It also shows a staggering lack of self-awareness
and inner hypocrisy, stating that using of gendered language to describe positives
and negatives is bad, then going on to cite “manterrupting” as a blight of
first world women. Notice the clear use of “Us vs them” group dynamic,
attempting to stoke the fires of solidarity and righteous indignation by establishing
shared offense at the expense of the out-group dynamic. This is the worsted
type of manufactured offense, that is the political tool to an end, and the
hallmark of a social bully. It won’t change society because it divides it more,
but ultimately that’s what this individual wants, in a harmonised society their
group wold no longer have any reason to be offended, and no way to exercise
that power. (Anyone wondering where that image came from, it’s a presentation
given in a class in a US university, a “Human Sexuality” class.)
So, essentially what I’m saying
is; it’s okay to be offended. But it’s not
okay to make your emotions somebody else’s problem. The second you try and
enforce your feelings onto somebody else, you become the bully. And should you
decide to insult or belittle somebody for an action they take, be ready to back
up your statements with calm, rational and supportive logic, not just angry
rhetoric or a pithy “it’s not my job to educate you.” Because if you decide to
criticise somebody it IS your job to
then explain to them why you felt it was your right to act as the moral authority
over them, because that’s a pretty high horse you’re on, and you’d better be
without sin before you start chucking rocks around like that. If you decide not
to do that, then you’re the one who needs to adjust your attitude, because you’re
using others as a scapegoat to vent your negativity on.
Lastly; pick your battles. And
if you’re going to make it a battle, actively do something. Something that isn’t shouting in people’s faces, or
leaving passive aggressive notes all over social media. Nobody ever changed the
world by talking about it. Donate to charity, time or money is good. Join a
political part and help them work towards political change. Join a Union, or a
social club that helps the marginalised. But for the love of $deity DO NOT start
your grand campaign for social change by making your friends and family feel
like shit. There is only one jerk in that scenario, and it’s the person shouting
at people and trying to cast them as a blight on polite society for an honest “mistake”.
