So,
in my rapidly shrinking social media that I will likely abandon sometime in January
I notice people speaking out about sexual assaults- correction, I see women speaking out about
sexual assaults, and then occasionally men will break the social taboo’s around
admitting weakness, especially sexual weakness, and getting shouted down for it
for “drawing attention away from a # that is supposed to be about women”
thankfully I see just as many wonderful women encouraging men to come forwards and slamming the former bigoted harpies for being the wretched unfeeling cretins that they are,
but allow me to address this whole fiasco shortly before I go and make a lyre
and bleach cocktail.
For those of you not in the know, I’ve
mastered psychology in the field of forensic psychology, that includes a very
detailed and working understanding of sexual crimes. So I like to think I speak
with a little more understanding of this then “I read a Wikipedia article this
one time.” So, allow me to address a few things I’ve seen written.
Statement:
“This is a problem that disproportionately affects women.”
True/False:
Mostly false, though you can’t demand Men be silent about coming forwards to
discuss their own instances of being a victim, and then go ahead and say stuff
like this. News flash, if you openly slam men for coming forwards to speak
about the times they have been hurt, then *Dingdingding* of course the problem
will only seem to disproportionately effect women!
The difference here is how the crime is perceived, most men when assaulted (Especially if sexually assaulted!) will either be silent, or “shrug it off” burying it deep to surface later in the form of weird psychological hang-ups and tics. Men don’t (as a rule) process their problems by talking about them, they tend to let them sit in their subconscious and “stew” gently, being digested and dismissed eventually (in most cases) and if not it may cause serious psychological problems. That is not to say men never confide in people, but they’d be much more careful when they do, usually picking a VERY close relative or a spouse rather then a social friendship network (Virtual or otherwise). Either way, they’re not likely to # about it, especially if they get told to shut up when they do.
Statement: “#Whataboutthemens! You have plenty of male charities to help you, why do you have to detract from women!”
Ture/False: Mostly False, male charities do exist, but they have NO government funding, neither are they eligible to apply for it. In total the UK has 6 abuse shelters for men (though since this information was gleaned through a FOIA request about 4 years ago so the number has likely shrunk since) the number for women runs into the hundreds in a single borough of London alone. A man coming forwards to talk about his pain will no more “detract from women” then a Mom & Pop burger store will detract from McDonald’s bottom line. Using this argument just reflects insecurity about seeing men as vulnerable humans in need of help, rather then some kind of support-dispensing machine that has no real feeling or emotions of consequence.
The difference here is how the crime is perceived, most men when assaulted (Especially if sexually assaulted!) will either be silent, or “shrug it off” burying it deep to surface later in the form of weird psychological hang-ups and tics. Men don’t (as a rule) process their problems by talking about them, they tend to let them sit in their subconscious and “stew” gently, being digested and dismissed eventually (in most cases) and if not it may cause serious psychological problems. That is not to say men never confide in people, but they’d be much more careful when they do, usually picking a VERY close relative or a spouse rather then a social friendship network (Virtual or otherwise). Either way, they’re not likely to # about it, especially if they get told to shut up when they do.
Statement: “#Whataboutthemens! You have plenty of male charities to help you, why do you have to detract from women!”
Ture/False: Mostly False, male charities do exist, but they have NO government funding, neither are they eligible to apply for it. In total the UK has 6 abuse shelters for men (though since this information was gleaned through a FOIA request about 4 years ago so the number has likely shrunk since) the number for women runs into the hundreds in a single borough of London alone. A man coming forwards to talk about his pain will no more “detract from women” then a Mom & Pop burger store will detract from McDonald’s bottom line. Using this argument just reflects insecurity about seeing men as vulnerable humans in need of help, rather then some kind of support-dispensing machine that has no real feeling or emotions of consequence.
Statement:
“Men just don’t experience sexual assault like women do.”
True/False: True; for more serious crimes. False for low-level sexual assault. Men get groped, their butts pinched, their clothing tugged on and crude invites to bed just like women do, the difference is men tend to shrug that stuff off easier, as there is very little chance of a physical threat behind it. Which leads us to the former, more serious crimes.
True/False: True; for more serious crimes. False for low-level sexual assault. Men get groped, their butts pinched, their clothing tugged on and crude invites to bed just like women do, the difference is men tend to shrug that stuff off easier, as there is very little chance of a physical threat behind it. Which leads us to the former, more serious crimes.
It’s
unlikely an average women will be able to overpower an average man, women tend
to grow up with this knowledge and so will undoubtedly find other avenues of
power, or as my sister once said “I used to hit Jay, until he got big enough to
hit me back and he could always hit harder” (For the record: my sister is a wonderful
woman and I am VERY fortunate to have her in my life, but we were kids, kids do
dumb stuff!). When a woman wants power (including sexual power) over a man she’ll
be quicker to resort to power by proxy, threats against children, or a rape accusation
/ assault charge or promises to ruin his reputation within shared social
circles if the man does not comply. This kind of behaviour is typical of sexual
predators and is about as common is women as it is in men, and despite what you
may read elsewhere, most people of either gender are not closet sex offenders. What's more, a physical threat may (in theory) be fought off, you can't fight off the stigma of a rape/DV charge, or family court and just as women are aware they mostly can't fight men, men are aware of the damage this sort of thing can do.
Lastly. Do I have a #metoo?
Yes… yes I do. Several in fact.
But that is none of your business.
