36 (actually 33) Important questions to be answered by me.

Once again it seems I am qualified to answer questions for people based solely on my primary sexual characteristics, who knew that qualifications came so easy?

These questions kindly provided by the feminists at [Place I am not going to mention because it is clickbait and they don’t deserve your money].

Warning: If you don’t like hearing me use bad words, maybe give this one a miss, I get more and more irritated as the list goes on and start to devolve into shouty sweary mess.

36 Questions Feminist have for men!

Number 1: How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?

This is number one? Seriously? I mean all the things you could ask and you’re starting with something designed to guilt and shame me merely by association? Setting aside the obvious attempt to foster group-think and manipulations and answering your question truthfully.
I feel very nothing, part of being a man is you are valued by your own accomplishments or lack thereof rather than virtue of simply existing. You’re sort of exposing your own hive mentality here by assuming that as a feminist you speak for all feminists, or god forbid all women, which I have found distressingly common in things like this. I can’t help but idly wonder what you have to be proud of, if all you can do is start your lists by attempting to bully and shame people for something they have no control over.

Number 2: Why do you hate Rom-Coms? Or do you just feel the need to hate them?

Because most of the time men are not the target audience for these movies, a lot of the time humans watch movies to experience emotions vicariously through the people we see on the screen, if you want to use expressions like “power fantasy” men like watching action movies because they get to experience being the hero, being valued, and the accomplishments of the hero on the screen. This actually links back nicely to the above statement, about men being valued for what we do, not who we are.

Rom-Coms are the a typical female “power fantasy” often with men fighting, or involved i some kind of conflict over the love of the female lead. The women in this instance is who we are supposed to identify with, somebody who’s innate worth is so high that men will fight over her. That’s something that is vicariously pleasing to women, and not so much for men. Though of course I am making sweeping generalizations, but that seems to be something you are comfortable doing so why should I restrain myself?

Question 3: Everybody likes the Notebook, and everybody likes Beyonce. It's just a fact.

Err.. this isn’t a question. But whatev’s.

No they don’t. Everyone is a unique multi-dimensional amalgamation of genetics, lived experiences, emotional turbulence and acquired memories, please stop trying to reduce the individuality of all of us.

Question 4: Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies when you easily sit around and talk about boobs... FOR HOURS?

“We” don’t make women in movies do anything, Hollywood writers, producers and directors do. You’re repeating your mistake from question one and assuming that a massively tiny minority of individuals represent 49% of people on the planet.

Anyway: Women in movies talk about men, because a central theme to the “chick-flick” is often romance, relationships and so on, it would be difficult to talk about anything else without ignoring the plot. Also, believe it or not? One of the ways women often bond is to discuss their relationships in real life, the respective men in their lives and so on.

Lastly, men generally don’t have conversations about boobs that last longer than 5minutes if they talk about them at all, simply because once you profess you’re opinion there is little else to add.

Question 5: Why do you automatically assume that you won't like TV or movies that star a female lead?

I can’t help but feel you are projecting somewhat here. Some of the most popular action movies have had female leads and it has passed with no greater remark then “That was something that happened.” Ellen Ripley immediately springs to mind, followed closely by “Alice” from the RE series, and Clarice Starling. The thing is, it’s easy to tell if somebody has been cast as the “Strong female hero™” and they come across as plastic, unbelievable and generally about as exciting as watching mannequin fall down an escalator and calling it an action sequence. The best leads are written as dynamic, and what’s more they are flawed, broken, and often hurt in many ways. If you remove that for fear of portraying a woman in a negative light and incurring the wrath of feminist like yourself, then you take away all that makes the character engaging interesting and produce the movie equivalent of warm tapioca.

George RR Martin is praised for writing female characters because he doesn’t consider witting them any different from men. They experience the same trials, they have the same character flaws, they make the same stupid mistakes and they are just as vulnerable and disposable as everyone else in the series. Yet somehow this is considered revolutionary? I can’t help but feel you have made a whip for your own back here.

Question 6: Why are you surprised when women are funny?
Because the core of a lot of humour is self-deprecation and women don’t like to be laughed at, so much so that people are hesitant to do so for fear of social condemnation. Some of the best female comics are those who don’t fear making themselves objects of ridicule (Like the leads in Absolutely Fabulous, or the Vicar of Dibley). It’s nice to see female comedien who don’t take themselves seriously but it’s also pretty rare and that is why people are surprised when they meet a female comic who does not.

Also: I am reminded of the joke “How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“One. AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!”
If you are offended by that joke, then you’re the reason that women aren’t considered funny.

Question 7: Why do you think we're obsessed with you when we hook-up?

 I had to look this up, essentially, “hook-up” is the Americanism for “one-night-stand”.

I’m going to assume this is a lot to do with the assumption that a lot women like to feel validated after a sexual encounter and so men will often remain in contact and attempt to stay on good terms, Nobody wants to be the “fuck ‘em and forget ‘em” person. And if that’s the sort of encounter you wanted? There is nothing to stop you from saying that, communication is key, men aren’t mind readers.

Question 8: Why can't I sleep with as many people as I want without being judged? When men do it, they're congratulated.

This again? Okay, Fine. Essentially this boils down to the amount of social sill such conquests take. Women as a rule can have sex when they feel like it, this doesn’t mean it’s gonna be good sex! Or even sex with somebody attractive, but nevertheless it doesn’t take a lot of effort to find somebody who will happily have the no-strings sex with you. And if you don’t believe this, go and look at Tinder.

Men on the other hand spend a lot of their time trying to convince the ladies in their life they are worth sleeping with, and the casual “no” is something they have to spend a lot of time getting used to, rejection hurts, but it’s part of the course for the male socialite. Men who make several successful romantic conquests are sometimes admired simply as an acknowledgment of their social prowess.

BUT! Terms like “man-slag,” “rake,” “man-whore,” and so on have existed down the ages for a reason, men like this while the admiration may be present they are also viewed as somewhat unwholesome and not the sort of person who you’d consider to have strong moral values or a high potential as a romantic investment. It’s a short term gain at best, and the sort of reputation that is hard to shake.

Also in this day and age of STDs. Anyone male or female admitting to lots of partners is going to get a raised eyebrow at best, and an insistence on a clean sexual heath check-up before any sex at worst.

Question 9: Why do you consider a woman a tease if she doesn't sleep with you after three dates, but a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date?

Projection again. This essentially boils down to a social investment. People date because they are “getting to know you” and wanting to establish if you’re somebody worth an emotional investment or not. One of the things people look at is your personal judgments, being willing to jump into bed at the drop of a hat doesn’t really reflect well on your character regardless of your sex simply because it shows a dangerous disregard for your personal safety and sexual health. The “tease” boils down to men feeling like they are being exploited with the promise of a relationship in return for their time, affection, and emotional investments, without any kind of payoff. This kind of dating culture still puts a lot of onus on men to impress their partner, so much that some women actually organize “Dating calendars” where they go on a different date every night, with no intention of actually starting relationships, they simply enjoy the free pampering and attention they receive. Nobody, man or woman, wants their emotional investment to be exploited in such a way and so they look negatively on people who do so.

Frankly though? In this day and age of constant online communication and mobile phones and such, most people have a pretty good idea if they want to sleep with somebody by the end of the first date, if not before, this is a pretty antiquated argument.

Question 10: In what world does no mean yes?

On opposite day!
Though, honestly? The “token no” is actually something that exists, and is generally used to test somebodies commitment to you. While it’s certainly not heathy, and I generally don’t approve of sending mixed messages. The existence of this as a social phenomenon has been well documented and I shan’t dwell on it any further.

Question 11: Why do you say women are too emotional to be leaders, but justify catcalling by saying men can't control themselves?

Who says this? Seriously, I’ve lived on this planet a long time and I have never heard this argument!
But since you asked: having emotions is fine, and recognising them as important is also fine. Using emotions to make major life decisions is short-sighted and often very self-destructive, and a world leader can’t afford to make those kind of mistakes.

Catcalling is a massive can of worms, but it’s one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” women often complain they feel unattractive when they are not catcalled, they also complain they feel upset and victimised when they are. It’s almost like we’re a diverse planet of individuals with different behaviours and tastes and not just a nebulous collection of two entities, one labelled “man” and one labelled “women”.

Also: Women sexually assault the fuck out of attractive men and boys all the time, but they suffer very little consequences because society generally doesn’t condemn it in the same way that it does against men. I used to collect glasses in a “classy” bar as a 16yr old, don’t try and fucking argue with me on this or I will head-butt you. It’s a human behaviour from shitty humans, not exclusive to any gender.

Question 12: Why do you think that just because you're nice to me, I owe you my body? [Asked by the same girl who wants to sleep with as many guys as she wants].

Why do you think because you’re nice to a guy he owes you his friendship?

Honestly, this is another “shitty behaviour from shitty people” thing. Both sexes have expectations about sexual entitlement, and trust me women can get just as aggressive and hurtful when you shoot them down for sex (if not more so because they have never even conceived that a sexually-motivated horn-beast like the “man” would ever say no to them).

Question 13: Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?

I’m actually with you on this one, I have no idea about the thought process behind this.
I’m assuming it’s because men like visual stimuli they often assume others would too. So it’s a lack of empathy and understanding thing, hopefully they will grow out of it when they start talking to women more.

Question 14: How come it's okay to harass or make offensive comments about women, but if someone does it to your sister it's not okay?

Because in this world, we may often meet people we do not like, an if they do something dumb, or stupid, or negative, like…. Make some 36 point list that is so fucking stupid it makes me want to brand the words “Broken: Do Not Use” on your forehead. People are going to call you out on it.

My sisters are both smart, intelligent woman who contributes to society. They have earned the right to be considered worthy of my defence if they should ask for it. But frankly? I doubt they will ever need it, because they are not trying to make a career out of whining about pathetic #firstworldproblems on the internet, they actually went off and did something useful with their lives and show a strength of character that means they will likely solve their own problems.

Also: My sisters are not ambassadors for an entire gender, and I don’t consider their primary sexual characteristics as a reason to protect them from the consequences of their own stupid behaviour.

Question 15: How does it feel to interrupt me when I'm making a point during a meeting?
Probably the same feeling I get when I read this list.

You talk bullshit people will interrupt you because there is no point in letting you finish your stupid fucking questions. I’m kinda wishing somebody had interrupted you before this point.

Question 16: Why do you have to sit with your legs so wide open? I have boobs! I don’t sit with my arms out!

Have your boobs surgically removed and then reattached under each armpit, then make that argument again, you dense, dense, dense, motherfucker.

Okay I will break this down for you. Men have a VERY DELICATE organ, which is both pressure and heat sensitive outside their body because it requires a lower temperature then the human body to produce viable sperm. Men sit with their legs slightly apart because to submit this organ to extended periods of heat or pressure causes discomfort and pain, and will lower the sperm count of the man permanently if done too much.

If you feel you need a bit more space, open your dick-holster and ask him nicely if he will give you some space and you may be surprised to learn that as a human fucking being he will politely concede to your request. Because like 99% of the planet, he wants to be a good person, much like you do.

Question 17: Why are women considered the weaker sex, even though we literally birth you?

Because you have 20% less muscle mass on average.
And if you want to use pain tolerance as an example of strength. Then I made it this far through your list, I must be the incredible fucking hulk.

Also, nobody gave me a fucking epidural for it either.

Question 18: Why is it so bad to show your emotions?

Because some feminist will mock me with their “I bathe in male tears” t-shirt, or just laugh and sip from there “male tears” mug. Or maybe I will have my dick chopped off and fed into a waste disposal so that Sharon Osbourne and her shithead friends can spend 30 minutes making fun of me on national television.
Showing emotions is hard when you make yourself vulnerable. And I am obviously worthy of your scorn, I mean I have a dick, just like Donald Trump!

Question 18: Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?

For the same reason you wear makeup and low cut tops. It’s nice to be valued for something you inherently possess. Sadly guys have to prove they are worthy of their value, they can’t just “be”. And so sometimes they overcompensate, and it is cringey.

Question 19: Why is it fucking considered unladylike to cuss? When did words get gendered?

Almost all European languages have gendered words, you illiterate, uncultured, fucking douche-balloon.   And it’s not considered unladylike, it’s just considered crass and impolite to either sex. And maybe a sign you need to grow up.

Question 20: Why is your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?

Innocent until proven guilty.

Would you preferred we just dropped this and strung up men form the nearest hanging tree like so much strange fruit?

Question 21: Why do you assume a woman is angry because she's on her period?

Because of the number of times women have excused their poor behaviour with this reason. You can’t have your cake and eat it.

Question 22: Why do you think that women who wear makeup are false advertising? We could say the same thing about your dick size.

This is news to me. But for the record? Sticking a bundle of socks down your trousers is worthy of being mocked for, putting makeup on is barely worthy of comment.

Question 23: Why isn't it weird that a bunch of old white men sitting in a room make legislation about what I can and can't do to my body?

OMFG! Okay fine, let’s get Micelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, and Anne Coulter to speak on your behalf because the only thing you need to make ALL the right decision for ALL the women on the planet is a FUCKING VAGAINA!

The people elected to these offices were done so BY WOMEN as well as men because they represented the interests of the majority! If you don’t like it VOTE FOR SOMEBODY ELSE! Women make up 51% of the population! And since 90% of the prison population in the US are also men, they can’t vote. You have the even greater majority! Fucking use it! Oh wait! Maybe the problem is more complex then fucking skin colour, or the presence of a FUCKING VAGINA to be so easily solved as by sticking a woman in charge you FUUUUUCK!

Question 24: Why are straight guys so obsessed with lesbians?

For the same reason that if I like pizza, having two pizzas is better than one.

And if we’re going on “majority of people who enjoy stuff are [x] sex” thing questions then I have one for you. Why are you girls so obsessed with Snape brutally raping Harry Potter? Just askin’.

Question 25: How does it feel to be kicked in the balls?

Pain so great that you can’t breathe, because the pain moves upwards, paralyzing your diaphragm first, and then making you vomit. You fall into a foetal position because movements makes it worse, and you can’t imagine any pain greater then this and YOU DON’T WANT THAT! You silently pray that you die, that you pass out, that some miracle can take this pain away from you.

And when the pain finally does ebb enough for rational thought, you pray that you haven’t had permanent damage done to one of your internal organs that somebody so thoughtlessly kicked.

Question 25: Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all of the time?

Yes and no.

No, I don’t get tired of being “me”

Yes, I do get tired of living up to the ever-changing goal posts of the expectations as to how you assume is should behave. As you often consider yourself the authority of what is appropriate for men to do and not do, yet still complain about the “old white guys” making decisions about you.

Question 26: Why are you so afraid of gender equality?

I’m not. You want to come work down the sewers, coal mines, die 10 years earlier, start killing yourself 400% more then you currently do, become homeless 900% more then you currently do, die in combat 9000% more then you currently do, lose custody of your children 200% more then you currently do, and work five extra years of your shorter life before you are allowed to retire, then you are welcome to it.

Why are you so afraid of equality?

Question 27: Why do I deserve to be paid less than you?

Because if this list is evidence of anything, you are not doing any fucking work.

It’s illegal to pay you less, you simply work less hours, less overtime and take more leave from work so your overall net earnings are less.

Lurn 2 economy, scrub.

Question 28: In what world does 77 cents equal a dollar?

Canada.

Also: Bonus points for trying to pad out your list.

Lurn 2 list bttr, scrub.

Question 29: In what world does 68 cents equal a dollar?

Refer to my earlier point about you moving goal posts.

Lurn 2 list bttr, scrub!

Question 30: Why are you intimidated by a woman who makes more money than you?

I’m not. But assuming I am? It’s because women are expected to marry up, and there is nothing shameful in her ditching my broke ass to marry an investment banker, if anything I am shamed for not living up to the expectations of such a powerful woman.

Question 31: Why are opinionated women seen as bitches?

Depends if I asked for your opinion. And what your opinion is. If you’re of the opinion that I am somehow “less” because I have a penis (Just like Donald Trump!) then I’m going to call you a fucking bitch.

You Bitch.

Question 32: Why aren't you speaking up when you hear your male friends behind closed doors making jokes that are offensive to women?
OMFG! Remember the comments I made what feels like a million years ago about why women aren’t funny? THIS IS THE REASON! Grow the fuck up! People make fun of you, they make fun of me, they make fun of terrible fucking stuff because we as human need humour to cope with insane fucking bullshit like THIS FUCKING LIST!

Question 33: Why are you so afraid of recognizing your own privilege?

I don’t know, why don’t you tell me? You have the privilege of your moral high horse telling me how to be a human properly. Maybe turn those problem glasses inward?

Is that it? Oh god, please let that I’m about to herniate every internal organ in my body as an attempt to exorcise all this insane bullshit that I have exposed myself to. I must have missed some questions... or I just ignored them because my internal self-preservation filters have somehow erased them form my memory. Or they just suck at lists… as we have established. Either way…. It’s time like this being teetotal bites down hard.