The Psychology of a Rapist.

Be aware boys and girls, that this is going to be a very emotionally charged topic for most people, it’s one of the reasons it becomes a rallying call for so many people with different political agendas, thus if you want to give this one I miss I don’t blame you. As always, this remains my blog, not an academic work so I’ll only cite sources if I can casually recall them.

Also, I’ll remind you that humour is a defence mechanism for dealing with atrocities, and any black comedy I make in this post will have its tongue firmly in cheek.

So recently I noted the BBC published an article declaring that a police Rape Awareness Campaign encouraging girls to look out for one another had to be pulled because of complaints that the campaign was “victim blaming”.

This caused my blood pressure to raise another precious notch, and prompted this little exercise in keyboard therapy. First let’s look at:

Victim Blaming: This phrase came up due to crappy attitudes among law enforcement in the mid 20^th century that women were “asking for it” (And of course in the case of men being victims, rape simply didn’t exist). This was met with societal campaigns to change the public thinking and later a law was introduced in the UK making it illegal for the police to declare a rape allegation to be a “No Crime” (That is they can’t just blow the allegation off due to lack of evidence, an investigation and a referral to the sex crimes unit must to be made.)
Fast-Forwards to the modern day and “victim blaming” has become so massively overused it has lost all meaning, giving women advice on how to avoid being the victim of rape is not “victim blaming” any more than the “Don’t leave your valuables in your car” campaign is victim blaming against those who have their car broken into. Questions like “Why were you there,” and “What were you wearing” are to establish context and possibilities of establishing evidence and/or witnesses in what is often a he-said/she-said crime, not an attempt to discredit the victim.

This smacks of the “Don’t tell women to avoid rapists, tell rapists not to rape.” Which is so fucking retarded that when it leaves somebodies mouth I automatically categorise them as brain damaged and ideally wonder if they can be treated with CBT and behavioural therapy. Rapists are criminals (and often psychopaths/sociopaths), they would no more “stop rape” by being told by a poster then a serial killer would suddenly stop killing because they were told “hey, that’s bad you know?” So the only way to keep yourself safe is to take precautions against criminals, and practical advice on how to do that is never a bad thing.

You don’t walk through a rough neighbourhood with your latest iPhone out chatting away, so watch your drink, get a taxi home, and try and stick with your friends. If that advice sounds like a drag to you; welcome to the real world, this is what we call “personal reasonability” it’s something all adults do, you’ll have to get used to it.

Anyway, back to what you are here for, a peek inside the mind of a sex offender.
The popularised image of a rapist is twofold; the first is the middle-aged guy in the flasher-mac, all dirty beard and leering smile and ready to drag you into his car and/or alley to force himself on you.

These sorts of people do exist, but they are the minority and are the easiest for police to catch, believe it or not because of their “blitz attacks” they often leave a mountain of evidence and are caught very quickly, they also rarely have more than one or two victims. They are actually quite rare in terms of extreme levels of narcissism, psychopathy, and lack of impulse control, and are responsible for a very small numbers of attacks. In terms of probability, they are actually the least likely person you or I would be the victim of. But they make great boogeymen for movies and anti-rape campaigns, so the narrative has now been established and it doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon.
The second is the college jock, all strait teeth and heathy muscles, probably a member of a fraternity and a hit with all the girls and the other guys. The narrative is that he likes to get girls drunk and force himself on them, or he will get them alone and then pressure them into sex, not stopping when he hears “no”.

This is bullshit on two basic levels, (though it does have a grain of truth, which we will get to later). The first is that the age of adolescence still leaves a lot to be desired in terms of sexual experience, both boys and girls will likely experience more than one “false starts” before they get to punching their collective v-cards and they will likely both be too embarrassed to communicate what they actually want, so it’s often done by trial and error. Most young men if confronted the next morning by their girlfriend and told “I wanted you to stop, but I was too caught up in the moment/shy to ask you” would be horrified and filled with self-disgust at the thought that they had inadvertently raped somebody they had very deep feelings for.

They second is it plays into the “all men want sex all the time” trope, which is so damaging to the mental health of men of all ages that I could probably write my doctorate on it were I inclined to follow that course of academia. People have sex drives, and sometimes (especially during adolescence) that sexual urge can be very strong, but we’re not chimps. People are also smart, independent and wilful individuals, just because you feel something doesn’t mean you act on it. Even by college age most people will have had enough time to develop emotional maturity that they recognise that they are not a slave to their animal drives. And if you think they are? Pull your head out of your anus, most people are just like you and you don’t rape somebody the moment you feel aroused.

So what and who is a rapist?
Glad you asked, take a seat, grab a cup of tea.
The most dangerous and successful rapists are not the type of people you see on the TV.
They are criminals, who are aware that what they are doing is likely wrong, but they avoid cognitive dissonance by categorising their victims as foolish, stupid, or deserving of what they get. Of course, they keep these opinions private, because they are aware to openly voice them is to invite condemnation. No amount of campaigns or notices will change their feelings, for to do so would be to confront the idea that they had horribly hurt dozens, maybe hundreds of people.

The rapist will be a man or a woman, as the profile is not gender specific. They will be outwardly attractive, charming, and often have a job that gives them access and/or authority to the environment they are comfortable in, such as prison guard, bar staff, hospitality management, and so on.

They will often have a lot of friends who know them on a superficial level, they’ll often appear to be generous and willing to do lots of little things for the people around them to put them at ease. When selecting a victim they won’t simply jump on them, they’ll just ensure they are introduced, and then over the course of the night/days/week/months depending on the experience of the sexual predator, they will play the confidence trickster role, building a superficial relationship with the person they want to assault. They’ll encourage them to lose their inhibition, usually with alcohol but other substances or bribes are not outside the possibilities of use. They will be working towards an End Game; which is a situation where they are alone with their victim, and anything they then do is the victim’s word against theirs.

The crime doesn’t just end with a rape, they are usually too clever for that, remember these are sexual predators, they often have a lifetime of not getting caught and have no empathy to hamper their maladjusted development. They’ll make sure that the victim is gas-lighted, telling them that it was their own fault, and that they deserved it, and that nobody will believe them if they talk, after all, the rapist is a beautiful/handsome/charming person with so many friends ready to believe their side of the story. They will also resort to threats, condemning their victims socially “I will tell everyone you raped me,” or “I will tell everyone you’re a slut,” being popular. Or threats of physical violence against either the person or somebody the person cares about.

The rapist will continue to do this, refining their MO with each time getting better and better at being the sexual predator they are, sometimes we are lucky and they are caught early when they are still inexperienced and they make mistakes. But sadly when we do not, they don’t “Escalate” as TV would have you believe, they just get better at what they do.

So how can we stop somebody like this? Glad you asked!
Report them to the police, seriously. The biggest power these rapists have is convincing their victims they are weak, and keeping them in silence. Even if they have covered their tracks the report will be kept on record and your information will be confidential, if enough people come forwards then simply by weight of reports they can justify taking action and hopefully a prosecution. Don’t try and publicly condemn the person (though I know this will be VERY tempting) if you’re shown to have a vendetta against them then the defence will simply argue that the accusation is false and/or out of spite. Stick to your guns, talk only to the police and take your personal autonomy back.

Lastly… Don’t listen to anything anyone says about “Rape Culture” if there was anything more harmful to society combating sexual predators or the psychological recovery of victims, then I have yet to encounter it in psychology, but that will be the subject of my next post I guess.