50 Shades of Grey-matter.

Thankfully this rather dross and frankly overhyped phenomenon has simmered down at this point. So now that the moral hysteria and flaming libidos have ebbed I have decided to give everyone a little bit of psychological insight into not only the BDSM scene, but also people frankly embarrassing reactions to this mainstream porn that was actually popular enough to get into cinemas.

So why is 50 shades so attractive to women? Well in 2006 a few researchers (one of them called Horne… ho ho ho!) looked into female sexual fantasies and found that by far the most common was a “forced encounter” scenario, with over 60% admitting they found the fantasy of sex against their will to be arousing and exciting.

Now, the key word here is fantasy. Obviously women do not want to be raped, that’s just silly, but in the private confines of their own head they found the thought of being dominated in such a way to be a serious turn on. So why is this?

Well, there are a lot of opinions on this, and considering the very emotionally charged nature of the subject matter it doesn’t take long for the opinions to become floundering shouting matches between ideologies/science/ethics/religion/politics/ect… so feel free to take all this with a pinch of salt.

Here in the western world we characterise chastity (especially for girls) as a virtue worth maintaining, words like “slut” creep onto people lips when they hear of a female’s sexual exploits and often people are quick to condemn others for their sexual partners. So in the sexual culture of the XX types we’ve managed to impart a sort of “residual guilt” for all sexual encounters, the nagging feeling that you should not have engaged in the horizontal mombo. Or if you did, you are now viewed in a more negative light, what if you are too “easy”? What if he(or she) will give you a bad reputation? What if I get pregnant? Not to paint all the ladies of the world as neurotic, some of these worries may not even be conscious, but framed this way it can understand why the idea of sex where you have zero of the responsibility for the sexual encounter is enticing. You can just lay back and let yourself go, abandon all your sexual hang-ups and just enjoy the experience.

This sets the scene for BDSM culture. Many people are surprised when they hear “The Submissive has all the power,” mostly because this is given no context and just uttered with smug assurance by people who have an alternative lifestyle and so are therefore more “enlightened”. But essentially this means that in a heathy BDSM relationship, the terms of a sexual encounter are established WAY before hand, and the Submissive (being in a position of often physical weakness or restraint) gets the final say-so of what will and will-not go on, they can also reject the encounter at any stage. Bearing this in mind, it’s in the Dom’s interest to make sure that the Subbie is having fun at all times! Because at any moment they can literally and figuratively “pull the plug”. Thus in terms of mental, emotional, and sexual power dynamic, the subbie holds all the cards.

Sooooooooooooo…. Why are people so pissed off about 50 Shades of Grey?
Well I won’t go into detail, as I am sure you have heard it all to death, but essentially it falls under the same tired argument that human are so simple that we can have our entire outlook changed by the entertainment we choose to expose ourselves to. To wit:

-          Video games lead to aggression/misogyny.

-          Horror movies create killers.

-          D&D causes devil worship.

-          Page 3 girls make rapists.

Do these arguments have merit? Sadly yes… to an extent, though keep reading and do not quote me there or I will find you and slap you hard enough to make your face spin around to the back of your head.
You’ll note most of these things have age certification, because yes they can be very influential on the formative years of children and adolescents, (keep reading!) but these changes are in no way permanent, and indeed are often corrected as the child ages and discovers that the fantasy does not mesh with the reality of the world around them.

Secondly, people who have misogynistic tendencies, sexual sadism, homicidal urges etc. will be drawn towards media that supports their views, in the same way that hard-line liberals read the Guardian and hard-line conservatives read the Daily Mail. People like to be informed of what they already believe to be true, and not have their beliefs challenged.

So, would somebody watching 50shades believe that it is a functional and heathy relationship? No. (or yes if they were underage, but underage people shouldn’t be watching!!) However, somebody who already believed that relationships should function that way would use that movie as proof of their convictions. BUT, (and it’s a big but!) these people make up a tiny minority of the general population, and they will likely continue to hold their views regardless of the media they are exposed to.  Just as most people with strong (and occasionally radical) beliefs will not be easily swayed by a short conversation, movie or book.
… or for that matter, a few paragraphs of blog post, so I guess I am wasting my breath.